Week 9

One of the most important things a relationship needs to function is good communication. I am not just talking verbal communication, but also nonverbal communication such as body language and facial expressions. Eye contact and touching are also powerful forms of communication. But the part of communication that I am going to focus on is how, through listening to another person, we can understand what they feel and think.

I personally believe that aside from communicating TO the other person, it is also very important to take time to LISTEN to them communicating with you. "Psychiatrist Karl Menninger once wrote that listening may be even more important that talking. 'I believe listening to be one of the most powerful and influential techniques of human intercourse.' Indeed, good listening has been found to be important in all kinds of relationships. From preserving the dignity of the elderly to satisfaction in married couples. Note that we said 'good' listening, because there are various ways we can listen to others, not all of which are helpful to effective communication" (Lauer & Lauer, Chapter 9).

I will explain a few different things that can hinder good listening. The first is faking it. Listening to another person is not effective if you are distracted and not actually paying attention to what they are saying. If you are listening to another person then be prepared to hear what they are saying. The second thing that can get in the way of effectively listening is called being a 'dependent listener'. This is when the listener is so focused on what the person that they are listening to thinks of them that they agree with what they say just to please them, and not to understand and help them. The third thing (I myself have been guilty of this before) is interrupting the speaker. Often people do this because they are worried that if they do not tell the person what they think of what they are saying right in that moment then they might forget it. Or they might feel like they need to respond to something the other person said right away. A fourth thing that can occur is a person might be self-consciously listening to the other by thinking too hard about a response that will impress the other and not actually trying to understand what they are saying.  These are just a few of the things that can prevent good listening.

So how can you improve the way you listen to others? Here are a few things that you can do to actively and effectively listen to another:
1. Take the initiative in communication. Concentrate on their words, look at them, and also watch their nonverbal cues.
2. Resist distractions. Ignore your own problems or the things around you that might draw your attention away from the other.
3. Control your emotions and resist responding before the other is done talking. Hear them out completely before answering and even if they say certain words that trigger you, don't interrupt them. 
4. Ask questions and rephrase to clarify what they are saying. This shows the other that you are interested and that you are trying to understand.
5. Summarize. You can periodically summarize what the other has said so that you can better understand what they are getting at and how you are going to respond.
6. Practice. Try listening to everyone, not just the people closest to you, so that you can become a better listener overall.
(Lauer & Lauer, Chapter 9)

I believe that one of the simplest ways you can show love towards another is just to listen to them. As you strive to be an effective listener, your communication will strengthen as well as the love and understanding you have for the other person.

"Learn to listen, and listen to learn from one another" -Elder Russel M. Nelson.