Week 6

In the LDS culture, marriage is one of the most discussed topics there is. I can even remember talking about marriage way back when I was a Sunbeam. This did not end when I entered Young Women's, in fact it intensified. I don't think I ever had a lesson that wasn't somehow related back to marriage. Marriage is a BIG DEAL. But I want to talk about the side that we don't really talk about in church. Marriage is not perfect. I grew up expecting to find my Prince Charming, a perfect man who was destined for me and who would do no wrong. Ladies and gentleman, nobody is perfect. There is nobody out there who is absolutely perfect and destined for you. Love is a choice. 

"When people marry, they have certain expectations about what their marriage will involve. Among other things, they tend to expect that marriage will make them happy and fulfilled, that it will last, and that their spouse will be faithful. Some of these expectations may be unrealistic. If, for instance, you expect that your spouse is always going to make you happy or that your relationship will be invulnerable to infidelity, your expectations are unrealistic. A survey of high school students reported that 60 percent agreed that when they married, their spouse would fulfill nearly all their needs for security, support and companionship. If they sustain such expectations, they are expecting more than they are likely to get" (Lauer and Lauer, Chapter 8).

I once read a quote that said something to the effect of 'be happy because you are happy, not because someone else makes you feel happy'. If our happiness depends on someone else, then we are setting ourselves up for hard times. As I said earlier, I firmly believe that love is not just a feeling, it is a choice to continue loving someone even when they let you down. This is why I think it is so important to understand who you are, what your wants and needs are, and what qualities you want in a potential spouse before you begin to look for an eternal companion.  

"Commitment to the person means that you are determined to work through troubled times. In contrast, commitment to the institution means willingness to simply endure troubles rather than to work through them. Those who work through problems, rather than endure or wait them out, find the quality of their relationship greatly enhanced" (Lauer and Lauer, Chapter 8). If two people are content with themselves and they do not rely fully on the other person for happiness, I believe that working as a partnership will be much easier for both parties. Problems in a marriage are not things that can simply be waited out. It is important to be committed to that person because you choose to keep making that choice, rather than be committed just because you made the promise to be and you are forced to uphold it. I also believe that expressions of love help to strengthen this partnership. "Commitment also grows as people's satisfaction with their relationship increases. While some decline in the affectional behavior noted is both normal and necessary after the honeymoon period, it is important for the couple to guard romance. The expression of affection is important throughout the marriage. It isn't enough to merely feel affectionate. That affection must be expressed" (Lauer and Lauer, Chapter 8).

I believe that it is important to go into a marriage with your eyes open, knowing that there will surely be bumps along the way and being firm enough in your own happiness to be able to work through them with that special person. I also believe that showing love to your spouse often strengthens this mutual bond of commitment. Marriage is a beautiful institution and it takes two loving and committed people to make it work. Love is a choice.