Week 5

Finding someone to spend eternity with is a big deal. Especially in the LDS community we put a lot of pressure on dating. But how do we know when we've found the right person? Many times, my friends and I have found ourselves worrying after one or two dates whether that person could be The One. But let’s get one thing straight here: date does NOT equal marriage. Dating is simply for getting to know a person. So what qualities are we looking for when we are getting to know someone? Studies show that the two most common things people look for are attractiveness and similarity. Similarities are the things that two people have in common such as religion, ethnicity, education, morals, attitudes, etc. Attraction is also important because it factors into first impressions. First impressions are when the only thing you know about that person is what you can assume by looking at them (Lauer & Lauer Chapter 05, 06). So, once you’ve found a person who you are physically attracted to and who you have things in common with, what is the next step? Going on a date.

Dating has changed and adapted throughout time. A date used to entail a couple going out and having a fancy dinner and/or doing some sort of fun activity. Technology and culture has vastly changed our idea of what a date is. These days, dating is often renamed “hanging out”. We get together, we cook some dinner, and we chill out and watch Netflix in the comfort of our own homes. It’s cheap and requires little effort. I’m not going to lie, sometimes I myself enjoy a little Netflix and cuddle. But ladies and gents, this is not a date. A date requires some planning, its needs to be paid for, and you need to be paired off. The kind of date a man takes a woman on (or vice versa) says a lot about them. In class, my professor pointed something out that I found interesting. Planned = preside, paid for = provide, paired off = protect. Cheap and comfortable is fun and all, but you really get to see all sides of a person when you are going out and watching how they react in all situations. If they are willing to pay and plan a date, it shows much more about them than hanging out ever would. When I am going on a date I want to know whether a man can preside, provide, and protect me.

One of the things that I think has caused this change in what we consider to be a date is that often men and women are too scared to ask someone out. It’s so much easier to just ask if they want to “hang out”. The word ‘date’ makes it somehow seem much more serious and committal. But let’s think of it this way: one date does not lead to marriage. Even multiple dates don’t. A date means that you have agreed to partner off with that person just for the evening. A date does not even equal a relationship. By going on dates with more than one person, you can see what kind of qualities that you are looking for in your future spouse.

“If you are dating for the purposes of potential mate selection, do not make the mistake of looking for perfection…we sometimes sabotage ourselves by limiting our choices” (Lauer & Lauer, Chapter 05, 06). It is okay to go on dates with more than one person. Unless it is a mutual decision between two people to go steady and find out if what they have is an eternal thing, going on dates with a person is not a commitment. Don’t be scared to ask people on dates. By broadening the pool of choices, you can better identify what personality types fit with yours. Finding an eternal companion is a choice. You must go out and date many people to find who you want to be your eternal companion and who you want to grow with. So… let’s go on dates! Don’t be afraid to ask someone out. Get to know several different personality types and figure out what you are looking for. Love is out there!