Week 12

I have never had to go through the pain of having my parents divorce. There have been times when I can remember wishing that they would. But when I step back and look at the big picture I realize that a lot of the fights I thought were a big deal were actually really little and easy to work through. Studies show that the majority of couples who are unhappy in the marriage can work through this difficult time within five years (Lauer & Lauer, Chapter 14).

I am not married yet and I am no expert on marriage. One thing that I have learned from watching my parents, however, is that love isn't so much a feeling as a choice. I like to think of it as when two people keep choosing each other every single day. On the worst days as well as the best, they choose each other. That is the meaning of commitment to me, personally.
Divorce can be awful for all involved partly because divorce isn't just one big split, it is a bunch of smaller ones all together. It is an emotional, legal, economical, co-parental, community, and psychic divorce.

Emotional divorce is the loss of trust, affection, and respect for each other. Instead of giving each other support, each spouse finds ways to hurt each other. Legal divorce is when the marriage is officially ended by the court. Each person is free of the obligations of marriage. Economical divorce is a settlement of the property. This can cause rife over who gets what and neither partner ever feels fully satisfied. Co-parental divorce is when decisions about who has custody of the children have to be made. This can be difficult for the children because their routines and lifestyles are changed dramatically to accommodate each parent. It is especially detrimental if the parents use the children as weapons against each other. Community divorce is when the community or shared friends of the couple feel forced to take sides. Often one of the partners will choose to move to a new community because of this. And last, psychic divorce is the central separation that happens when each person has to accept that they are now single and independent individual and has to learn to feel whole again and heal (Lauer & Lauer, Chapter 14).

As you can see, divorce is extremely difficult for each partner and all involved. Coming from a family where my parents are still married and happy, I have never had to feel this strife in my own life and I am so incredibly grateful for that. There is not a single marriage out there that has never dealt with any problems of difficulties. What it all comes down to is how each person decides to react to the adversity.

In the Gospel Topics on the church website it says, "When men and women marry, they make solemn covenants with each other and with God. Every effort should be made to keep these covenants and preserve marriage. When divorce occurs, individuals have the obligation to forgive rather than to condemn, to lift and to help."

I love this quote. Marriage is a beautiful thing and it should be fought for at all costs. Sometimes in cases of abuse or neglect, divorce is healthier for those involved. In others, all it takes is both people making the decision to choose the other and to work through the problems. Marriage can be beautiful and eternal if both people make the choice to work for it. I encourage anyone who is struggling with this currently to try to make any effort they can to strive for a healthy marriage.